Showing posts with label i vant this. Show all posts
Showing posts with label i vant this. Show all posts

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

If I was Oprah Rich: Round IV

If I was Oprah rich... I would have a killer pool in my backyard.

Think Playboy mansion style...






With a couple of these bad boys...





Please note that I do not want the Playboy mansion pool. There is no amount of pool cleaner/chlorine/bleach that can wash away all the nasties floating in those waters and covering those surfaces. Ideally I would like to be able to do the breast-stroke across my pool without contracting syphilis or getting a pube in my eye, and I'm afraid that isn't possible in Hugh Hefner's giant sex bath.

Sunday, September 5, 2010

Why today was the best Sunday of this entire year

B and I made a trip to Costco this morning, as we do just about every single Sunday morning. It has became somewhat of a ritual of ours- walk in, stop at the cafĂ© and get two frozen yogurts, walk through and collect one of every sample (or multiples of the especially tasty ones) and then walk out. Sometimes we’ll actually buy something, like a box of protein bars or a pack of socks, but 99% if the time we make it out of the store with full bellies yet little to no money spent. Some probably consider this tacky or cheap; however, considering the current economy I feel our Sunday Costco spree is remarkably cost effective. Plus, who turns down free food? Only idiots, that’s who.

So today we were doing our typical stroll through the store, stopping here and there to pick up samples of chicken sausage and brie cheese, when we find ourselves in the bakery department. Considering both my extreme sweet tooth and fatal attraction to carbs, this is unquestionably my favorite section of Costco. The muffins… strawberry cheesecake… chocolate chunk cookies… red velvet cake… lattice apple caramel pie… pineapple upside down cake… braided apple strudel… all American chocolate cake…

*long, drawn out dreamy sigh*

It is basically the place I would like to go and die as a morbidly obese and [eventually] diabetic woman.


... and then after I die I hope heaven looks like this

But back to the story- on this particular Sunday morning I walked into the bakery expecting to drool over the typical Costco treats described above. Once and a great while there will be something new, like a Boston cream pie, but for the most part the bakery is rather predictable, especially to a frequent flyer like myself.

So there I am, eating from my cup of swirl frozen yogurt and leisurely walking toward the bakery cold case when I SEE THIS:

HOLY MOTHER OF PUMPKIN!

Yes, the day has finally come. The day I eagerly wait for all year long; the day I incessantly dream about from January-August; the day I finally regain faith in mankind.

Today was the day that Costco began to once again sell their inimitable pumpkin pies.

She doesn't know it but she is my hero

I am overwhelmingly ecstatic to say the least. This is not only the best pumpkin pie that can be purchased, but also the best deal at $5.99 a pie. I would literally spread this pie over my entire body and use it as a daily moisturizer if B promised he wouldn’t look at me strangely and/or leave me. Unfortunately he is ‘normal’ enough where I don’t think that would occur so I’m a bit SOL.

Nonetheless, that glorious beauty up above is what ultimately inspired the name of this blog as well as my general obsession with all things pumpkin. Now anything with pumpkin- pie, cookies, bread, ice cream, coffee, lotion, candles, etc- makes my heart flutter. That pie is the reason for the majority of the happiness and pleasure I experience during the autumn season, as well as the reason why you may notice me gaining a ‘few’ extra pounds over the upcoming months.

I’ll be completely honest and tell you that I did not purchase a pie today, but I do plan on getting on for a dinner party we are going to this week. I suggest you do the same as well.

Like, NOW.

I figured it was appropriate to end this post with a picture of a cat eating pumpkin pie

If I was Oprah rich: Round II

If I was Oprah rich... I would be rollin' in a classic Shelby Mustang.








And with my Oprah money I would make sure to get one in every color. To match my outfits, of course. Or my moods. Both are everchanging.

Wednesday, September 1, 2010

If I was Oprah rich: Round I

If I was Oprah rich... I would buy this home.





Don't worry, I would tone down the pink for both B and I's sake.