A candid opposition to foam shoes

Today I heard that Crocs Footwear now makes high heels. Initially I refused to believe it so I conducted a basic Google search in order to determine the validity of what appeared to be a ludicrous claim…


… And then immediately threw up on my work desk when the Google search proved my worst nightmare to be true. Crocs do in fact make women’s platforms now and here is proof:

Seriously though, do people really wear these? I thought the original Crocs, which are freakin' FOAM CLOGS, were embarrassing enough. I didn’t think it was possible for people to demean themselves even further. I can ensure you that I will never be caught dead in these shoes and I hope none of my family and friends do either. If they do, I will readily kick them in the shin and then openly refuse to accompany them in public.

Consider this a warning.