Holy tank tops!

While perusing the J Crew website and checking out their 'fall looks', I came across the following clothing item:

Props to J Crew for being non-discriminative and hiring a model with scoliosis.

I'm talking about the tank top, not the pants. That peachy, sparkly thing. Or, as J Crew likes to call it, the "shimmering work of art". To be honest I don't find the top to be entirely repulsive. It could be cute... on someone other than me. Like maybe a ballerina or a figure skater? Or a model with scoliosis? I mean, our lady friend up above doesn't look half bad.

I digress.

What I really want to share with you is the fact that this 'shimmering work of art' comes with an equally astonishing price tag of... *drum roll please*... $495.00.

Yes, FOUR HUNDRED NINETY-FIVE FREAKIN' DOLLARS.

Do you know what I can do with that kind of money? I could buy things. Not a thing, but THINGS. More than just one peachy, sparkly tank top, that's for sure.

For instance, I could buy one hundred twenty-five Auntie Anne's original mall pretzels- or one hundred six if I want each to have its own cheese dipping sauce. That means I could enjoy two pretzels a week- with cheese- for an entire year.  Or better yet, I could have a PRETZEL PAR-TAY at the mall and invite one hundred five of my closest friends (which I obviously don't have but let's just play pretend, ok?)

Don't worry, the enthusiastic service with a smile is free.

I could also purchase almost twenty-five Snuggies, an item that is arguably an item of clothing yet inarguably more comfortable and cozy than a sharp, scratchy sequined tank top. I obviously don't need twenty-five Snuggies so I could donate the other twenty-four to the battered women's shelter located next to my apartment building. I'd like to see that measly tank top warmly clothe an entire facility of domestic violence victims! Not happenin'.

Mary is no longer weeping about her abusive past 'cause she has a SNUGGIE!

Basically, what I'm trying to prove is that I could stretch four hundred ninety-five dollars much farther than a single tank top. I understand that there are in fact individuals who are pretentious enough to spend a considerable amount of money on a tacky item of clothing, but I am not one of them. I'd rather gorge on pretzels and/or make a notable donation to a shelter... or something.

Clarissa: 1, J Crew: 0